All I had ever wanted was my own office, a telephone and a pen and paper.  I was always inquisitive, wanting to learn new things and as a small child, my mum heard me pretend chatting to someone on the phone, thought nothing of it, until she came into the living room after hearing me repeatedly saying hello, to her surprise another voice said hello.  I’d accidentally called an Estate Agents.

I’m fine were two words that came easy to me but two words that were a complete lie, but those I would say in the hope that people would understand that no, I wasn’t fine.

Whenever I was with him, he would make me feel so inferior to him, as though he were the adult and I the child.  Some days I never ever took my eyes off him and I would watch his ever move, from him looking at every single female he saw to every man he glared at who he knew I’d had some contact with during my past.

When we are in an abusive relationship it is often difficult to see that we are in an abusive relationship.

Below I have listed some experiences of domestic abuse that I personally endured but didn’t recognise it as abuse at the time

COVID-19 and lockdown measures has highlighted to the UK how very real domestic abuse is, how many women are at risk and how absolutely vital specialist support services are.

Domestic abuse awareness is at a high at the moment and one of the key issues that must continue, with many victims unaware that they are in an abusive relationship because they aren’t physically hurt.

“I think we need to have a chat don’t we you fucking slag”.  My blood ran cold as I froze and just stared at him.  I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.  He sat in the armchair glaring at me and then I  sup and reached for my phone which lay on the bedside table next to me.  I scrambled to take it off silent but I was too late, he was already ringing my phone and before I could get out of bed he stormed into the bedroom, grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it out of the 7th floor flat window.

When he hit me for the last time splitting my lip open as I held our 10-month-old daughter in my arms, I knew in that very instant things had to change there and then.

A campaign with a new logo is a disappointing response from the Government to safeguard victims of domestic abuse, which feels as though it’s actually minimising the situation.  We have already seen an influx of domestic abuse calls and incidents over the last month, another campaign raising awareness isn’t good enough.  COVID-19 and the lockdown is not creating a crisis in domestic abuse because it’s always been there but now we have no other alternative but to confront it.  A campaign with a pretty little log and a hashtag is not going to keep anyone safe.

When you are in a deep dark hole that you can’t seem to find a way out of, everything else around you becomes oblivious.

You don’t see the sun shining, you don’t hear to birds singing and you don’t even notice that the grass is green.  When you are allowed out, you don’t notice the cars driving past you, you don’t see the traffic lights change or hear the car horn beep.  You are in a deep oblivion because the most important thing to you right now is trying to keep safe.  You try and stay safe in your own little bubble whilst trying to stay on the tightrope without falling off and cracking the eggs that lay beneath your feet.

I got off the bed, turned around and tried to open the door, he pulled me back by grabbing my top and spinning me around.  As our eyes locked for a second, his hand came from out of no where, catching the corner of my cheek and eye.  Time at that moment seemed to have suddenly stopped as I stood completely still, not daring to move an inch.  What the hell just happened?  I asked myself.