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Red Flags

Posted 16/5/2021

When we are in an abusive relationship it is often difficult to see that we are in an abusive relationship.

Below I have listed some experiences of domestic abuse that I personally endured but didn’t recognise it as abuse at the time

He isolated me from friends and famil

He told me I had slept with my boss to get my job

Accused me of having an affair with my driving instructo

Constantly told me my friends were jealous of what we had

You’re not fucking going out like that

I was timed when I went to the toilet

Very rare I could have a bath alone

I was bombarded with calls/texts when I went shopping

I was always warned, under no circumstances to let anyone into the flat when he wasn’t there

He read my text messages

He told me I was fucking selfish for drinking his orange juice that I went shopping for and brought with my own money

He would phone my phone in the middle of the night – if it was on silent it would be thrown out of the window because I’d been fucking phoning my mother again

He would constantly compare me to other partners

He would tell me how I wasn’t a proper woman

He would regularly tell me, I’d never cheat on you, I’m not being funny but I’ve got no complaints in the bedroom department with you but let’s face it, I could have any woman I wanted

He cheated on me throughout our relationship

I was fucking useless and I should be thankful to be with someone like him

I’d met him so he could save me from my problems

He shouted at me for breathing too loud

I was thrown across the living room floor for making a noise in the kitchen

He killed the pet bird because I went to bed without him

Whenever I left he would get his mum to call/text to tell me, he’s not a bad lad really

When I left him for good, he repeatedly went to my parents

One night he saw me waling with someone he thought was male and verbally abused them.  It was a female friend

He threatened someone with a baseball bat because he and his partner brought me back home one night.  Back in the flat, after I got undressed, he sniffed my knickers and told me I’d fucked someone else

Whoever I spoke to, I was fucking them, male or female

Before I had my daughter with him, he always told me I’d make a great mum.  When I had my daughter, he told me I was shit mum

When I left and went back he would tell me I’d got to stop playing mind games, and stop treating him like that because it wasn’t fair on him

When I left, he threw my clothes down the chute and cut up my shoes

Take into consideration that this is not physical violence, this is just control that I endured during our three year relationship.  I’m sure that I can add to this list too!