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Why Don't You Just Leave?

Posted 24/3/2021

The eggshells crack loudly beneath my feet even though I try so hard to dodge them.  The goalposts that are surrounding me are constantly moved and no matter how hard I try, everything I do is wrong, even when it’s right.

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A strong support structure is needed not a Facebook status

Posted 24/3/2021

“I think we need to have a chat don’t we you fucking slag”.  My blood ran cold as I froze and just stared at him.  I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.  He sat in the armchair glaring at me and then I  sup and reached for my phone which lay on the bedside table next to me.  I scrambled to take it off silent but I was too late, he was already ringing my phone and before I could get out of bed he stormed into the bedroom, grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it out of the 7th floor flat window.

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Time After Time

Posted 24/3/2021

Existing in an abusive relationship you lose so much time.  Things pass you by, there are events you can’t attend, you miss out on making memories and significant occasions no longer exist.

Days become blurry and most of the time you don’t know what day of the week it is, you’re just lucky that today isn’t the day you die.  However, living with an abuser you eye is always on the clock, for example, you know when your abuser wants their tea on the table or the time you need to be back home before them, you learn these things along the way because they can help keep you safe.

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Music is Life

Posted 24/3/2021

“That is just not normal, no way is that possible.”

Looking back, I was so lucky in the fact that I came from a loving home, I was the youngest an the only daughter, I had a wonderful and strong relationship with my parents.

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Alcohol and Abuse

Posted 24/3/2021

When you are a victim of domestic abuse you very quickly learn how to keep yourself safe.

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You Must Have Known What He Was Like

Posted 24/3/2021

When I first met him he was just wow so smooth and charming, he didn’t give too much away but just enough to make me feel as though I needed to know more.

His smile was the one thing that really drawn me into him.  He was cheeky, charming and convincing.  When he looked at me, he made me feel as though his eyes were only for looking at me.

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Social Service Support

Posted 24/3/2021

The knock on my front door made my stomach churn and made me feel physically sick.  As I opened the door the person standing their had a huge smile on her face.  I looked at her and burst into tears.  I walked into the living room where my parents were sitting as the social worker followed me in.

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Don't be a bystander, don't just stand by

Posted 24/3/2021

I had always lived in a house with my parents so living in a block of flats was all new to me.  you could virtually hear every noise going, the lift doors opening and shutting, people walking across the corridor, the people who lived in the flat below us and above us.  After listening to all those different sounds around me, I never really took into consideration the noises other people could hear from the flat I live in with my abuser.

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It would be like walking on razor blades, if I were living with my abuser during COVID-19

Posted 24/3/2021

As the lockdown become imminent, the talk of isolation, not being able to see friends and family, only going out for shopping and not going to work, suddenly took me back to a deep dark place that I once existed.  As a nation we are being told what we can and can’t do to keep us safe, yet the one place I should have been safe, I wasn’t.

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I'm not in an abusive relationship because I'm not being hit

Posted 24/3/2021

I got off the bed, turned around and tried to open the door, he pulled me back by grabbing my top and spinning me around.  As our eyes locked for a second, his hand came from out of no where, catching the corner of my cheek and eye.  Time at that moment seemed to have suddenly stopped as I stood completely still, not daring to move an inch.  What the hell just happened?  I asked myself.

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